This weekend, Goop released a candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina” and the Internet literally could not. Everyone (including my mother) seemed to agree that this was insane. Who would pay $ 75 for a candle that smelled like the Politician star’s vag? The answer = Me.
Well, I wanted to buy it at least, but by the time I checked out the site, the candle was already sold out. So yeah, I guess a whole lot of other people were interested in smelling it too. And before you haters tell me to get the “Goop” out of here (sorry), allow me to explain my infatuation with it:
If you actually read the description of the candle on Goop’s site (instead of something you saw floating around on Twitter with zero credibility) you would see that nowhere does it say that this candle smells like Gweny’s vajayjay.
The scent was actually created with award-winning perfumer Douglas Litte, so you know it’s legit. According to the description, the candle-making process involved Paltrow and Litte sitting on the floor and geeking out over fragrance, and nowhere does it say the scent was developed after Litte stuck his nose in Gweny’s vag (that would be wrong on so many levels… and sorry for the visual).
Instead, the candle is called “This Smells Like My Vagina.” It has accents of geranium, citrusy bergamot, cedar, damask rose, and ambrette seed blend, which sounds absolutely lovely. Sure, it’s not exactly what a vagina smells like (vaginas just smell like vagina, and that’s not a bad thing) but as for a candle smell? V yummy.
While this candle-gate might feel like an ill-timed April Fool’s joke, it’s also meant to be funny. In the product description, they literally say the scent is first “funny” and then “gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected.”
Listen, the candle is kind of amazing regardless of whether or not it actually smells like vaginé (which, for the record, it doesn’t). But the point is not to shame women into thinking their vaginas should smell like literal flowers. But instead, it’s celebrating the vag for the sexy flower it is.
Sure, $ 75 is pricey for a wick and wax, but do you know how much bougie candles go for? About the same. Plus, would you really expect a website who once told readers to drop a cool $ 3,490 on a 24-karat gold dildo to sell a candle that cost anything less than $ 75? Absolutely not! That would be embarrassingly off-brand.
Another point: Have you ever smelled a super expensive candle? Those things can scent up a room without even being lit. They’re worth it.
This pricey pussy-themed home accessory is also intended to put you in the mindset of “fantasy” and “seduction.” In other words, it’s a perfectly classy bachelorette party gift, a gift for the S.O., or something you just want for yourself because it really smells that effing good.
GOOP claims the scent could also be an aphrodisiac. My personal opinion? A candle that smells like this is sure to set the mood more than my boyfriend’s chocolate flower Yankee Candle (which, btw, doesn’t smell like chocolate. Or flowers…). I love the idea that we can finally literally spark things up with something that allegedly smells good, is sexy, and is very appropo.
So, yeah, a “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle is a little out there. But you have to remember: While Goop is notorious for these types of things, that doesn’t mean the product is necessarily bad. There’s a reason why there are so many people on the waitlist. Me included.